Category Archives: updates

14 day writing Challenge; Day 10 write a letter to my future self. . .

Dear Rebekah (In the Future)

First of all, I am sending you hope. (I know what it is like to lose it.)
I hope you are always fed.
I hope you also have cuddly cats that purr in your ear.
I hope you always have the bills paid.
I hope you stay close to your family.
I hope you enjoy the little things in life. (Enjoy food and smell the roses.)
I hope you always laugh. (You and I know you can start to deal once you let yourself laugh.)
Most of all I hope you are happy; always be happy. Only you can control what makes you happy. (You can NOT control anyone else or make them happy.)

Secondly, family is important.

Even if you argue, not feel good enough, or just want something different, your family will still love you. (Just remember shoes. . . you and I will both know what that means.)
Set aside your pride, if you need something, your family will be there.
If you can help someone, then help. . . remember what your parents taught you.
Remember sometimes just a text will make someone’s day.

Thirdly, if you have kid(s). . .

Let them learn and be who they need to be. (Please do not have plans for them, let them figure out who they are. Chances are they are going to be stubborn if you push.)
The word “No,” it okay to say. Your job is to keep them safe and healthy until they are old enough to do it themselves. . . then you are too invested.
A parent is an unseen hero: they do what they have to do regardless. Your kids will not appreciate this until they have kids.
However if you do not have kids, then find out what it is that fate wants you to do. Let fate decide, they are bigger than you.

Fourthly, you are meant for big things!

You are smart.
You are a good person.
You are generous.
You are helpful.
You can learn new things.
You are determined.
You will get things done.

YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO.
YOU WILL FINISH YOUR WRITING PROJECTS.
YOU WILL GET MONEY FOR WORKING ON A BLOG.
IF YOU WANT IT DONE, THEN JUST DO IT!
You know you can.

Sincerely

Your Old Self

PS My stepmom (the one with my name), that has really help me to get out and get a better outlook. Greatly appreciated.

Common Addiction

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Hi. . . I have an addiction . . .

Hi. I’m Becky and I have an addiction to soda-pop. It is my coffee. Growing up it use to just be something we were allowed to have at parties, going out to eat, or on pizza nights. (I think my addiction has to do with the fact that I was restricted from this as a child, but that is beside the point.)

I do drink juice, sports dirnks, koolaide, hot and ice tea, but they do not taste the same. I love the caramel and the bubbles . . . oh boy do I love the bubbles. . . the sweet, zesty bubbles! (I cannot drink cofffee in large amount like I can with soda-pop. . . coffee tares my stomach. However Soda-pop does the opposite it allows my stomach gasy relief.) It also is my caffeine. . . it is what I use to get a jolt every morning, at noon, and sometimes at night.

I have tried to limit my sodas. . . I have done well until this past year when I have to live with other soda-pop drinkers. I would tell myself just one or two cans a day. However when I heard that pop and fizzle as soon as someone opens a can I get tense. I just wanted to run and hide the other cans. I fear that if I limit myself that when I go back to get one (the next day) it will be all gone. Then I usually go and get another can. . . I am so weak!

Update: Actually, I have gotten better with the sound of pop and fizzle. I have learn to buy and store my own soda-pop so that I could just count my own soda-pop cans. Now I have another addiction: counting soda-pop cans. . . Hi, I’m Becky, and I have an addiction. . .

This is who I am (in a Nut Shell)

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50 Things About Me: The Good, The Bad, And The Weird

1. I have no secrets. I’m an open book . . . ask me anything. I don’t like keeping secrets. (I will tell my boyfriends everything.) Everyone seems to trust me with their secrets, and I am not sure why. I mean I would not tell anyone, but it’s weird when a guy will tell me his deep dark secret, but won’t tell his own wife and/or girlfriend. (I really not sure why this is. . .)

2. I’m bouncy, and loud, and unorganized. I also want to warn anyone that the thoughts in my mind are scattered. So if you want me to organize my thoughts get me to write them down. (Even the thoughts in this warning are all over the place.)
I love to make lists: grocery list, menus, shopping lists, to-do list. It is probably the only way I try to stay organized.
I usually speak my mind, and have a habit of being very blunt. (So if you’re easily offended I’m forewarning you, you may not want to hang out with me. I also will say those things that everyone wants to say, but never does . . . this may be one of the reasons I have few friends. The friends I do have respect the fact that I am so honest.)
I’m an opinionated and I can be a bitch. My theme song is Bitch by Meredith Brooks. “I am a bitch, a lover, a child, a mother a sinner a saint. I do not feel ashamed. I’m a bitch I’m a tease, I’m a goddess on my knees when you hurt when you suffer I’m your angel undercover. I renowned, I’m relived. Can’t say I’m not alive and you wouldn’t want it any other way.”
I also have a habit of saying things before I think of the consequences. (This is one of reason why I say “Sorry,” a lot. Yeah, I am always saying I am sorry, even if I had nothing to do with the situation. I think it is just the habit of being the oldest sibling.)

3. I don’t like rules, being controlled, or being suppressed. It makes me go paranoid. I like to be me . . . fun and wild. I can’t stand planning things. (I have tried and failed too many times) I love to do stuff at the spur of the moment. I never want to do the same things day in and day out.

4. I’m more or likely going to corrupt you. I don’t try on purpose, but growing up I’ve always s been around guys. You know I can handle listening to jokes about sex and other disturbing things: blood in movies and stuff like werewolves and vampires, they don’t scare me either. Vampires are a fascination of mine. I love the seduction in the darkness, and life in the blood.
I’m not into zombies that much, but I enjoy the show “The Walking Dead.”
I’m not offended by fowl language, and actually much of it is in my own vocabulary. (However when I’m with parents or very young kids that aren’t related to me, I can control my language.)
I grew up with three brothers and all of their friends. I can act like one of the guys. I enjoy playing poker.

5. I love to laugh! In fact that’s how I handle my sorrow, my pain, my fears, my anger, my bitterness, my jealousy, my envy, my sadness, my sickness and any other feelings I need to figure out. When I’m upset about something, I try to make myself laugh. It’s when I can’t laugh that I get in a depression. Believe me; you don’t a giggly, fun-loving girl in a depression. (I look for humor in my friends and my boyfriends. . . I appreciate anyone who has ever made me laugh. Thank you!)
If I am upset, but you can make me laugh, then you know I will be okay. If I will not laugh, then you know something is really wrong.

6. I’m a passionate and talented person. I’m passion about the people in my life. I’m passionate about my music, my writings, my art, and about things in life that excite me.
I love to perform. I like to sing. I’ve been working on my voice for years. I used to write my own music. I have my music on the back burner, but I plan to record and perform it someday. There is no other freedom than let my voice fly off the stage. It’s also an amazing high. (I shake when I perform for large crowds, but it is still a rush.)
I love Karaoke.
I will surreptitiously admit I like to dance, but I am very self-conscious. I usually only dance at home when no one is watching and if I know someone is watching I will stop.
I enjoy writing stories and poetry. I love writing, but my spelling, and grammar are horrible . . . okay, they just suck. I write anyway, because it is the best way I express myself. I’m always writing. I write about every experience and every person that gives me inspiration. Words mean a lot to me, so when someone said something like a promise it means a lot to me. I rely on words. I believe in the power of speech.

7. I’m always a student. I’m always learning something new everyday. I try to learn from my mistakes, and I try not to make the same mistake twice. Yes, I said try, come on, people, I’m only human.

8. I am a people-pleaser. I want my friends and family to be happy. If I knew that I could do something just to help their happiness, I would do it in a heartbeat.
I’m very loyal to my friends and family and I’m a very self-sacrificing person: meaning that I would switch my own personal plans if I have to help someone out.
I love hanging out with my friends. However I feel the older I get the fewer that I have. (I think it’s because many of them have kids, and their kids come first. I can’t blame them for that, because my kids would come first, if I ever have them.)
I have found a balance between being sociable and enjoying solitude. There is a difference between being alone and lonely. I try to hang out until just before I get on someone nerves or someone gets on my nerves.

9. I’m kind of a sport nut: still a newbie. I love to watch certain sports: American football, baseball, and I like some wrestlers. (However I do not like the direction WWE is going, and if they keep making more lukewarm entertainment I might stop watching altogether.)
I love to play sports, especially volleyball, basketball, and baseball. I’m extremely competitive, especially with myself. (There are times that I just don’t have the energy . . . stupid health issues.)

10. I have a few simple dreams: I would like to go into a small diner (one that’s open all night,) and just talk and laugh until the sun comes up and the go to the beach and watch the sun rise. (I rather do that with a group than just one on one.) I also want to take a raspberry iced-tea in one hand and sit in my convertible while my drivers take me on long meaningless drives. I like to just “get lost.” (I hope to win the lottery to make that dream a reality.) I love to daydream. I believe my own fantasy world is so much better than my reality. (I do have a few good people in my life that help make my reality better, but anything can happen in my fantasy world. People are just so much better there. . . “I live in my own little world, It’s okay they know me there!”

11. I have a few complex dreams. I want to record my own my music and get brave enough to perform it. I want to go on tour, and wake in the tour bus and not know what city I’m in. I also want to write several novels. (I also have to be in the mood to write poetry and scripts. I also never realized how much focus I need for editing and how easily distracted I can really get. . . I should be editing now!)
I would love to finish my vampire series, get main-steam published and take it on a book tour.
I want to have two kids with my current boyfriend Tom. I want one of each. I do believe in miracles and I do believe if it is in the cards, then we will have them sometime. I want to have a life full of stories to tell my grandchildren. I want to tell them about all the people I’ve met and the adventures I’ve had.

12. I am a very spiritual person. I was Catholic and then Pentecostal (both Christian). My spirituality in a nutshell: I believe in Christ, but not in the church. I have many different beliefs: most of them come from the Pagan religion. I’m also big into New Age beliefs as well. I believe that God and the Goddess are two deities with on unit. I never believe there is just one. God is logical, and the Goddess is creative. (Ying and Yang).
As for religion, that’s just a word for someone to believe in something higher than themselves. I believe that the church today has corrupted the word religion (and although is it is not a four letter word, if might as well be.)
I would like to believe that there is a reason for life than just to live, recreate, and die. (We all have hopes and dreams, and I hope that if you have a dream you are doing everything to make it happen . . . if I can help, just let me know.)
I hate giving up and I strive on hope. . . I believe: Everyone is here for a reason. If you want someone, then there is someone out there for you! (I really try to stay positive and to avoid negativity. I want to be someone sunny day or candle in the mist of the darkness.)
I do believe in past lives, because I have the feeling of déjà vu so much in my life. (I also have serious connection with people I believe were in some of my own past lives.)
I also believe in ESP, and horoscopes are more for fun. I’m also intrigued by Tarot cards, and palm reading as well. I’m open to different believes. I do mediate when I can.
The devil makes more sense to me than Christ does at times. (Temptation is fun, but too much of anything can be bad for you. It’s okay, if you do it in moderation. Why should we praise someone who promotes suffering? What if you suffered all of your life only to find out that you would have gotten in heaven just by being a good person? Suffering doesn’t make you a good person; it just makes you cranky. I think helping others when they need makes you a good person, and doing what needs to be done.)
I also enjoying the villains in movies more. I don’t think they are bad, just greedy and misunderstood or they are just trying to right a wrong in their own life, their way.
However I am against the church. I haven’t meant one that wasn’t corrupt and/or political. I also cannot believe in a book that I feel the Christian have taken piece out of. I do not feel the bible is complete. (I mean there were 12 followers of Christ, but only some books (in the New Testament) were written by them.)
I believe that positivity brings positivity just as negativity brings negativity. They are both contagious.
Funny God Moment: I thought the local priest was God when I was 4 years old. Most people thought the story was cute. Basically my father explains what God was to me before we go to church one day and when the Priest spoke, I ask my dad in a really loud if that was God. The church got a nice laugh. (I do believe God gives us signs, and sometime both God and the Goddess talk to you if listen. They might not always say what you want to hear.)

13. I love the number 13. I am writing a book of short stories based on the number 13. I think it can be as lucky as it is unlucky.

14. I do not like politics. I think that politicians do nothing but lie. Then they learn their own language (jargon), so we cannot understand that they are trying to screw over the average Joe. They don’t care if the poor is poor while they are taking from the top. (Most politicians never knew what is was really like to stand in line at Wel-fare or social security. They don’t understand how people are barely making it on minimum wage.)
They overspend money while telling businesses it’s okay to go overseas. We need jobs people. (Businesses who go overseas should get triple taxed without tax shelters.) We need job to improve the economy and then focus on other things like scientific development and art fads.
Politicians need to start work for the people and not for themselves. (Our current president has taken at least 2 vacations this year, when was the last time the average Joe took a nice vacation?)

15. I a mixture of tomboy and girly-girl. I am a girly-girl at times. . . I am picky when it comes to camping, (I prefer a cabin over a tent.) I hate bugs and spider and snakes. I also prefer a pool to swimming at the Lake. I do the crystal blue ocean though. (I like water I can see through.)
I have worn dresses and such, but I prefer my jeans. (I wear Family Dollar and Wal-mart clothes. I do wear nice clothes . . . there is no point in paying hundreds of dollars for something that will get stained or torn down the road. I also cannot stand zippers, especially on my pants, I break zippers.) I do like to dress on a special occasion, but I love my jeans and tank tops. I love wearing the colors: purple, green, dark red, and black.
I don’t regularly wear makeup; unless it’s to go someplace nice or a part of a costume. (If I know I am going to get my picture taken, I will put on makeup. I also hate pictures with my glasses.)

16. I am what my mom calls “the bulldog.” I am the type of person you need to get the job done. Many have called me the enforcer and I am not afraid to enforce the rules or tell the truth. (There are times were I wish everyone would do their own work, so I didn’t have to be the damn bulldog. I am good at it.)

17. I do not drive. As much as I would love my freedom, driving is more of a burden these days (between on selling your soul for gas and computerize car pieces, you have to have a boring job just to keep your car running. When you are working, you never have time to time to actually take long drives. I also have insomnia and I know if I ever drove, I would probably fall asleep at the wheel . . . that would be very dangerous.)

18. I have weight issues. I love my curves. However there things about me I don’t like. I hate certain parts of my body . . . my abs, my shoulders and upper arms, and my double chin. I did try the chin genie for a while, but it only does so much and I really should use it everyday. (Several of my friends and my boyfriend have said that they believe I have lost weight, but I want to lose more.)

19. I have hormonal issues. I can get very moody at times and even explode. I also cry for no reason, so I usually put on a chick flick or sappy song to fill the void. There are times where I have no mojo, and I just do not feel attractive. I am really beginning to I think that it is all hormonal.
I used to think that crying make you weak, but I have learn that sometimes you just need a release. It’s okay to want release.

20. I’m a baby when it comes to pain. I hate pain. I would rather help someone, than give someone pain. I rather give my boyfriend pleasure than pain. (I am getting better at handling pain, but I still cannot focus when I have a pain in my jaw or during a migraine.)
I date dentists. . . I am horrified, because I know I have to get my wisdom teeth out. (Actually my wisdom teeth, have really fucked up my jaw. . . when the weather changes I really get teeth problems. I have not meet a dentist that I have liked.)

21. My boyfriend and I are a package deal. We usually do things together. However I do appreciate my time alone. He is my sanity; although he drives me crazy at times. (If someone tells me something at point or another, he know about it. He is my best friend and I tell him everything.)

22. I enjoy anime, playing video games and RPG. My boyfriend has gotten me into some video games, anime, D&D, and working on facing my fears. (I do have fun with him, and he can be my sanity at time.)
I love my Sims. I have Sims 2 Nightlife and pet for the computer. I have Sims 3 for the Xbox. I suck at shooting games.
I love facebook games as well. They take up some of my time (which I should be writing.)

23. I worry over everything. I have been getting better at letting things go. Worry about everything and anything. I am natural worrier . . . please do not tell me not worry, because you will be wasting your breath. (I have obsessed over issues, and I have lost sleep due to worry, but I believe sleep is mostly for when you are dead.)

25. I live two lives. This is because religious beliefs. My father’s side of the family is very conservative and religious and they don’t understand what I believe. (My boyfriend cannot stand me living like this. I hope to open up one day.)

26. I do like to chat online. I enjoy decent conversation. If sex comes up in conversation I am open. I do have a boyfriend. I am NOT looking for a replacement. I am NOT looking to cheat (even though I am in an open relationship and you can’t cheat online.) I am NOT looking for cam to cam. (I’m not into cam; I think it’s a fucked up tease. Skype wasn’t made to tease each other, but for those families who have to be away from each other so they can video chat.)

27. I am not easily offended. However If I talk on you on YIM, AIM, or FB messenger and you call me a guy, saying that my pictures are fake: I will block you without warning. Please do NOT call me woman or cunt, or you will really piss me off. (I do not mind baby, babe, or chick). I also hate when people use the “N” word. . . I feel it is so disrespectful that won’t say it or type it. (Consider this the one and only warning.)

28. I am bi-curious. . . I have not kissed or anything else with a woman, but I have fantasize about being with one. (Boys, you may stop drooling now.) There is a part of me that is just really apprehensive of the whole idea. I am naturally drawn to men, especially sensitive, humorous and strong-willed men. (I personally think I think I like the challenge.)
I am pickier when it comes to women. I think it is because I expect more, because I know they expect more. (I have found some attractive women out there, but none of them with the personality that I desire.)

29. I admire attractiveness. I know this is wrong, but I do have a very shallow side, and I admire someone who is attractive. (It’s not the first thing on my list. . . I want to be able to laugh and someone I can rely on first.)
In guys. . .I love the eyes, hair on top the head, smile, chest, and sometimes abs.
In gals, I the face, hair, and curves. I will not go after a large structure person even if it is muscle; they just do not attract me. 250lb (medium built) and lower. . . and guys have to be taller than me, women no taller than 5’6″)

30. Weird is a compliment to me. I seek out things and people who NOT normal. Normal is too mundane and overdone. I am weird and proud!
I like kewl, instead of just cool.

31. Money doesn’t mean much to me. Money means nothing to me other than something I can use to keep a roof over my head. It’s a tool, not a means to happiness. I’m NOT materialistic. I don’t care about brand names (except soda: I prefer name brand soda.) I’ve never spent more than $20 on a pair of shoes.

32. I’m awesome at cooking and even better at baking. I never took a lesson or class. I just watch my dad and grandma. My favorite meal is lasagna from scratch. My favorite cookie to make is chocolate chip oatmeal. My favorite cake is dark forest. (I can be a control freak in the kitchen. Do not ask me to help unless you want me to take over or simply just tell me to do one job.)

33. I cannot stand a routine job. I love working at home on my writing. I like the fact that I could work in my pajamas. There are times it just doesn’t feel like work. (However there are times where my wrist are sore and I have headache, but I still try to work through.)

34. I’m an insomniac. My sleep schedule is screwed up. I have cut back on caffeine. However it doesn’t matter, because there are days when my mind just doesn’t shut off. I’m so tired of being tired.

35. I have horrible sinuses. I am allergic to pollen, dust, and hay fever. I hate Ohio’s weather. It is hot, cold, sunny, rain, can’t it just make up its mind. I keep getting sinus headaches whenever it rains.

36. I am adventurous. I also love the chase . . . you want to keep my attention (make me laugh,) be mysterious . . . keep me on the edge (I also like being the “other woman,” but that is a long story.)

37. I naturally have a green thumb. However I do not have the patience for gardening. My grandparents from both sides had gardens. Strawberries and Tomatoes taste better home grown and straight out of the garden.

38. I am a story-teller. I enjoy telling the first, and then the writing. My writing allows me to be free. When I write I am my god in my own world anything I want can happen. The ideas in my head are usually chaotic

39. I am a published poet, novelist, and playwright. I have two books out. My pen name is Rebekah Wolveire. The books are called “The Whispering Path” and “Crimson Shadow Collection Book 1: Melzela.” I hope to finish the vampire series soon (Crimson Shadow Collection). (I hope to be a mainstream author someday.)

40. I’m always a student. I am researching and trying to learn new things whenever I can. (I may be a natural blonde, but I have an average IQ of 130.)

41. I have many personal journals. I’ve had a journal since I was 8 years old. I’ve been pretty consistent with it as I write in it at least once a month. I’ve gone through at least 8 books so far. I noticed they get better as I get older. I want the future generations to see the world through my eyes. (However some of my journals can get really dark, and I show some deep levels of myself. Only read them if you want to know all of me, even the ugly colors.)

42. I only feel I have been productive if I write that day. I have written so much that I’ve gone through a single subject notebook in one day. It was 70 pages, handwritten. I brag when I have used up pens. I have gone through three pens in one day and eight pens in one week. I get excited over paper, notebooks, and pens. I buying supplies during school season; everything is discounted.

43. I secretly like to dance. However I am apprehensive of my body image, so I only dance behind closed doors when no one is watching.

44. My hair hasn’t been a normal color in over two years. I like my hair to different colors, not normal. My hair has been: bright red, dark red, black and red, bright blond, green, pink, purple, and I think I may good for blue next. Currently my hair is blue, but the dye is already coming out.

45. I like several unique smells. Some smells I enjoy are. . .
Scotch tape: it smells like Christmas presents.
Nail polish and sharpie markers: I don’t know why I think it was the fruit markers that got me started.
Dial soap: it just smells clean.
Tide, I love the smell of clean laundry.
Gasoline: I don’t smell it often, but if it spills and I can smell it, I just like the sharp smell.
Sauerkraut: It reminds me of Christmas soup.
(Normal smells I like. . . cookies and cakes baking, carnations, oranges, lilacs on a spring morning, mowed grass, Hugo perfume and Axe cologne.)

46. I am Gothic at heart. I don’t always where black. I think Gothic things are just misunderstood as most people usually think darkness and bad things happen. I like getting scared as I love when your heart beats so hard it feels like it coming out your chest, and you are breathing to fast your throat get sore from being tight.

47. I would love to travel. The places of interest are Amsterdam, Paris, Verona, Venice, Rome, Greece, England, Scotland, Poland, Germany, Ireland, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Los Angeles, Orlando, Las Vegas, Alaska, and New York City. I would love to also go on several cruises. (I’m not interested in North/South Korea or India. They are both long stories.)

48. I can be easily distracted. Distractions are not usually a good thing. It is usually when I need to get something done. (Facebook, online games, and Sims are usually my biggest distractions.)

49. I look for signs. When I need conformation in life, I look for sign. It can be the smallest thing like winning a dollar to a bigger sign to actually seeing a sign. I really do overanalyze things. However if I stopped I wouldn’t feel like myself. (However it was really screwed up when I believed I was pregnant. Do you know how many pregnancy and baby commercial there are on TV? A lot.)

50. I am really torn about having kids. I want someone of my genetic creation that would love me unconditionally. However I really don’t know if I want to have kids in this world: the economy is crappy, and the future generations have lost things that the previous generation had: work ethics, value of a dollar, and respect for aging life. (If destiny wants me to have kids, I will teach them what I know.)

It's my Own World but it's OK. . .

They know me there. Fictional writings

Category Archives: updates

I’m doing another challenge

How to enjoy a hospital visit

14 Day Challenge Day 10 Write a Letter to your future self

Common Addiction

This is who I am (in a Nut Shell)